Daffodils and the Classroom

Daffodils are frequently confused by weather patterns. Right in the middle of winter a few warm days will cause their green shoots to appear. Blooming will usually begin in spring, but even in the same garden they will flower irregularly rather than as a cohort. Daffodils remind me of middle school students.

One of the many things I’ve enjoyed about my career is having wonderful discussions with teachers and parents regarding the behaviors of middle school children. Middle school aged children—let’s just say the ages between eleven and fourteen-- are simply fascinating! Noted anthropologist Margaret Meade once called them betweenagers, and said that we are more dissimilar at this period of development that at any other time in our lives. If I’m in front of a group of adults leading a conversation regarding this phase of growth, I usually ask the group to raise their hands if they themselves enjoyed those days.

Rarely is a hand raised. There is always the tittering of nervous laughter in the room. I suspect that uncomfortable memories are bubbling up.

There’s the girl who is unhappy that no one notices her. Moments later she is horrified that “people are looking at me!” The once docile and compliant boy becomes too physical with his peers, and “keep your hands to yourself” (a fairly common phrase in preschool and kindergarten) reappears after an extended absence. Odd vocalizations and facial expressions, including dismissive snorts and eye rolls, become commonplace.

I have found that rude behavior increases dramatically at this age. The big surprise, however, is that these betweenagers are largely unaware of their rudeness. When challenged, they are almost always baffled by the adult’s “over reaction” to the event. Even when the adult is quietly advising corrective action, the child will demand to know why he’s being “yelled at.” Skillful and wise adults can often reach betweenagers with the news that certain behaviors are unacceptable. When this moment occurs, the betweenagers are horrified at their own actions! Their penitence is obvious.

Many years ago when I was head of an independent school in Virginia, a seasoned middle school teacher came into my office to voice her frustration with a language arts class. “How many times do I have to teach the same point?” she demanded. “Well,” I countered, “how many students do you have?”

That’s an exaggeration of middle school teaching, of course, but the point remains: we are more dissimilar at this age than at any other time in our lives. That’s why I think an academically competent third grade teacher could teach a high school course, and a high school teacher who understood child learning theory could function well in a third grade classroom. Neither would necessarily succeed in a middle school room.

The middle school years are tough on everyone, it seems. Some parents wonder what the school did to their lovely little boy or girl; some teachers wonder if the child has any discipline at home. And all children know at a gut level that their world is changing forever. Their full flower will come later in their schooling career. If we’re lucky, like an early daffodil, maybe we’ll get a glimpse of it along the way. Maybe a former student will come back to tell tales of high school or college.

Our job is to help them grow, supporting each other as well as those to whom we’ve entrusted our children. The great schools of the world will address this remarkable age with curricula and teachers who understand the challenge.